Gilded tombs and trust issues with straws

As children, we were, hopefully, thrown in the air by our parents. Swung round by our arms until we were dizzy or told to fall back into their arms without knowing if they would catch us. Each time we had to believe that they would not drop us, fling us or hurt us, we built up trust. My husband would throw the kids in the air when they were tiny little tots. Even before they could walk or articulate thoughts and desires, we flung them or swung them. A few times there were tears, but on the whole, there was laughter and thrills and giggles and even yells of joy. Whoops of joy perhaps would be a better word? They would climb trees and then beg us to catch them as they jumped. In the swimming pool, they would be thrown from adult to adult long before they could swim. Were we being abusive? No. Of course not. We were being instinctively good parents. Building trust. Because a child that doesn't learn to trust the adults around them when they are young will never trust people as they grow. Some might say that a little bit of skepticism is good, and that is true. Don't trust everything, especially not those guys that phone you in the middle of the night asking for help to liberate millions of dollars from a Kenyan bank account. I am amazed at what people will believe if they think they will get rich quick. But trust is essential for happiness. I was watching a movie where the king had his servants taste test his food in case it was poisoned. What a sad situation. Each spoonful is fraught with danger. You would never trust a single thing if you knew a single teaspoon of something could kill you. But as most of us are not royalty or in danger of poisoning, relax and enjoy life. Shakespeare said 'Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.' Another favourite of mine is 'All that glitters is not gold; often you have heard that told: Many a man his life hath sold But my outside to behold: Gilded tombs do worms enfold.' Aaah Shakespeare you are the man! Who wants a gilded tomb if there is nothing of value inside. I suppose he is referring to the outward appearance of man not always reflecting the person inside? I was not a great scholar that could break down the bard's meanings correctly and in-depth, so forgive me if I misunderstood.

As to being a good scholar. Well, I never won a single prize. Never top of the class or best at stuff, no sports awards or certificates of merit. No books with my name engraved inside extolling my brilliance, no trophies, no medals, no honour amongst men or women. No teacher or coach enthused about my intellect or prowess. I suppose you could say I was a failure if it was measured in the eyes of others. Did things change when I left school? Nope. This week a few people asked me what career I had pursued? I told them I had no career or fame to my name and they seemed quite shocked. Well, hello, of course they thought I must have done something important with my life because I certainly seem pleased with myself. I do not walk around with my head hung low or my bottom lip dragging on the ground in shame. Why is it that we measure others and ourselves against a title or piece of paper? Does it matter how much money I have in the bank? Or how many countries I have visited or famous friends I have on Facebook? No, I have learned that measuring myself against others is a mug's game. My sister once asked why I didn't follow a career. Firstly, no money for an education after school ... yup, poor as church mice and moths in my bank balance. By the time I had sent my kids to school and paid the bills, there was nothing much left to spend. Our kids never went to expensive schools where they were guaranteed to meet influential friends that would help them down life's paths. No, they did get a little bit more than we did as kids, but not by much. And secondly, yes, there is a secondly, I left it too late in life to pursue the careers that I might have enjoyed. And thirdly, I was a horrible person to live with when I was stressed and study and stuff stresses me out. I valued my marriage and my kids much more than I did becoming a doctor or a scientist. Okay, scientist is pushing things a bit far I know. My dream had been to be a marine biologist with my head underwater and my eyes full of wonder. But that never happened and never will happen now. I did think of becoming other things, like a nurse or an architect or art teacher.............. well, hello, anything except poor. I am happy with not being those things. My gilded tomb would be full of worms and sadness and not much love at all. Much better to have a simple tomb filled to the brim with happiness and trust.

But do you know what? I am good at beating my old schoolmates at something. Yup, I kill at Candy crush. The thrill I get seeing my score and noticing that I am way ahead of A or B or C. They might have won the book prize for something or other at school but what has it brought them? The captain of the sports team, I beat her on a daily basis. No, I cannot run marathons or even around the field, but my fingers are nimble and my brain is quick. I can run rings around them all. Do I get prizes? No, not really unless you count the fish flying through the screen as a prize and I don't. My small successes do brighten my day. I went to a friend's funeral this month. He loved snooker and ham radios and his family. I never asked him about prizes he might have won at school because the older you get the less important those things become. One of the guests at the funeral is a dear man who loves to wear high heels and floral dresses. He is balding and rotund and very kind. I sat and chatted with him for a moment and thought back on our idea of success and what we have achieved in life. Put me in front of a ham radio or a snooker table and I would be useless. Put me in high heels and a floral dress and I would fall over. No, we each have our own areas of expertise. I went to a wedding anniversary luncheon. The lady was so stressed that she totally lost her cool. I heard somewhere that we all have meltdowns at times and I have. The day a bill came in and I knew we couldn't pay it I stood in the garden and yelled at the sky. What the neighbours thought, I don't know? The times we were two years behind with our mortgage payments because my husband was at university and the only job I could find was cleaning the toilets in the mall .... thank goodness for a kind friend who saved me that day. I was sitting crying into a cup of hot chocolate when a lady I knew came up and asked me what was wrong. I told her and she said 'I need someone to illustrate a children's book for me. And then I would like you to be the art director for a video I am shooting and could you do the catering for the film crew?' That particular meltdown ended well. The yelling at the sky moment? I went to the bank and asked them to defer the mortgage payments and was shocked when they agreed. As to paying the bill? I asked if I could pay it in installments. You see, there is always a solution somewhere, somehow.

This school holiday the grandchildren wanted to make Youtube videos and I was co-opted in to be the segment where 'Ouma teaches art.' Not sure how much I taught them, but we had fun. After one of these episodes, I had the female children sleep over. I was tired and suggested McD instead of a home cooked meal. Miss 5 said she wanted a Happy meal and then proceeded to detail each and every item. We still had a few hours to go before dinner time, and every half hour she would ask if I remembered her order. Of course, I did, but I would suggest some totally inappropriate fictional order instead. 'Oh, you mean five burgers, three servings of fries and two soft serves?' 'No Ouma.' she would shake her head and repeat the original order. Quite disgusted with my age addled brain, she proceeded to ask me five more times for her order before we finally got to the takeaway joint. Where I once again fell short. I told her that she was not to use the straws because straws hurt animals and what is wrong with drinking directly from the cup? She looked at me and told me that she was not an animal and what difference would her one straw make to the wildlife of the world? I should have told her that I was building my gilded tomb with kindness, but realized she might not understand my convoluted thinking pattern.