Snails and Cider

When do we allow the 'crazy' out? Is it only for people that have had terrible things happen to them? The young girl who's Dad is in prison, Mom is dead and raped by her uncle. Is she allowed the crazy? Or are we all allowed a bit of crazy at times? Last week my car was written off by the insurance company, and they were only paying me a minuscule amount in reparations even though the accident wasn't my fault. That crazy just pounced on me with all its talons out. I blamed Barry because, well just because he had wanted me to sell the car and buy another one. This was him manipulating me from the other side of the veil of death to do his will. No matter that I didn't have the money and would need to take out a loan. Never mind that I was quite happy with our old car. No. He had wanted me to buy something a little bit more reliable ... and now I was forced to. So I was angry with Barry and just a little bit crazy at life throwing me curve balls. Okay I know that is silly. But I have to blame someone. Then I was told it was my fault for not making sure the insurance was for a specified amount and not market value. Well, too late now, isn't it? And yes, I suppose I should have double checked that detail. But onward and upwards into the future and let me have my moment of crazy and don't tell me I am being childish and need to grow up. The new car is lovely but so much costlier on fuel. Grrr that budget is looking stretched to the limit again. I do have my trusty tri-cycle that I can use around town but those long trips ... well not much I can do about that. I was at my wits end because I had recently filled the fuel tank of the written off car. So out with the siphoning thingy. And no, it doesn't work because apparently the fuel tank has an anti-theft device. Just my luck. Then I decide to remove the tow hitch ... certainly not 'gifting' that to the wreckers. Sadly that is a job beyond my capabilities and the tow hitch is staying put right where it is. You can see the crazy building up, can't you? It's a good thing I didn't have a sledge hammer, I might have done some damage to the car ... or myself.

I am one of those people who, when I start something, I get stuck into the details and can't stop until it is done. This also applies to things like a packet of Chilli Lime Cashews that was opened for a small handful and ended up empty. No idea how that happened. Blame it on the fairies. So Halloween is a dangerous time for me. I open the packets of chocolates and jelly spiders and if the kiddies don't come to the door with their hands out ... well then the crazy lady just has to eat a few. I have taken to hiding things from myself. If I have to get a ladder out to access the top shelf of the pantry ... then chances are I will not bother. I have stuff up there that has 5 years worth of dust on it. I did consider taking the excess candy to some friends homes. Will have to see about that. This urge to finish things does not apply to actual work. I planted out all my Summer veges this week and I have yet to water the seedlings and my orchids are still sitting in their fortnightly bath of water and nutrients ... two days later. I just know there are nasty little snails rubbing their hands together with glee, waiting to devour my lettuces. And yet, here I sit, worrying about fuel consumption and tow hitch thingies. The orchids think they are drowning and I just don't care enough to do anything about them. Okay, I promise I will rescue the orchids and water the lettuces today. Maybe. And yes, I will hide the candy from myself before I blow my blood sugars through the roof. I am usually very good about eating sweets. I have no sugary stuff in the fridge. I have special sugars and flours to make healthy options. I plant lettuces and cabbages for goodness sake. But this week is my Kryptonite week. November is my birthday and my wedding anniversary month, but it is also the anniversary of my daughter's death. The blue crazies always descend at this time of year. Last year I was distracted as I dealt with cervical cancer and surgery. But even then, it gripped me by the throat and choked the joy out of life for a few weeks. If anyone has a secret to beating the blues, please let me know.

A few weeks ago I bought a few packets of apples to stew or make into juice. I did everything right and yet now, the stuff has all fermented on me. It would be fine if I drank apple cider. The alcoholic cider, not the stuff we had as kids that was like lemonade. But no, this apple cider monster is growing in my fridge. I open the door and it burbles at me. I remember a time when my Dad decided to make his own beer. He too was careful and did all the right things. But his efforts ended in a midnight attack of the exploding bottles. Dad had put the bottles in boxes under the bed and it was just pure luck that we escaped unscathed. Scared us all half to death. I don't think Dad tried that again. Or if he did, he was super careful about checking the levels of fermentation. I look at my apple juice and might have to throw it out. Should I feed it to the lettuces? Or will the alcohol destroy them? There is that old joke about spraying brandy on your lawn so that it comes up half-cut. Will the lettuces grow with their own version of salad dressing? I have often regretted that I didn't go into psychology. Then I would be able to analyse myself and see why I do the things I do. Is my reluctance to throw out cider that I will never drink because I can't admit defeat unless I am forced to? Am I vainly hoping for a miracle of sorts to turn the alcohol back into tasty apple juice? Are my concerns about budgeting and paying for the car loan making me frugal in the stuff I discard? No, it's just me being lazy. I would have to walk out the back door and over to the vege patch and actually do some work. The snails would look up at me with their little antennae and beg me to sprinkle them with salt. And that would require another walk from kitchen to garden. Shucks at this rate, I might even get fit and healthy. No chance of that with those cashews tempting me to eat some more. I had better get rid of the bubbling apple juice before it explodes and paints the inside of my kitchen with sticky sugary goo. But not just yet.

I have been asked to give a two hour workshop on editing and publishing. Yikes. Do people think I know this stuff? Talk about the blind leading the blind. Luckily there is Google to help me ... a little bit anyway. So I shouldn't look like a total idiot. The group I am talking to have members who don't even use a computer, so it should be interesting to say the least. I told them about words in the 'never use' category ... and they said 'Surely the author should have the final say?' Yeeeeesssss but ... using these bad words slows the storyline down and makes it all feel boring and dull. Then I mentioned about 'head hopping' ... the practice of jumping from one character's thoughts to another. I have read some of their stuff and yes, head hopping is a favourite pastime of these folks. Very confusing to the reader. So it should be an enlightening two hours of fun and games. One lady said that the internet was the 'tool of the devil.' Yeah, that is not going to fly with me. It's how you use it that decides whether it is good or evil. One gentleman is petrified that someone is going to 'steal' his work and wants things put in place to protect his precious creation. Let me tell you, the chances of someone stealing your ideas are minimal. Most ideas have already been used through the ages and we all just rehash them. Think of Shakespeare's plays. They have been changed and adapted to fit modern ideas and they still are relevant. Ooops sorry. I get on my high horse now and again and go into 'boring Pat' mode. Sometimes when I speak to people I can see their eyes glaze over with boredom. My Mother always said I have verbal diarrhoea ... that is I speak too much and don't know when to stop. Hey, maybe this two hour workshop will be perfect for me after all? Anyhow wish me luck in my quest to introduce these folks to the joys of writing and publishing in the modern world. Am I getting paid? No. Someone suggested they buy me a cup of tea and cake as a thank you. I don't drink tea and seldom eat cake. Maybe I should take a bag of cashews to snack on instead? But definitely not the apple cider, that is going on the garden as nutrients for whatever looks hardy.