Farewell to the Hero

Barry always said that he wanted to go to Heaven and he finally cashed in his one way ticket and took his place amongst the stars. The last few weeks were quite frankly horrendous and when Barry took his final breaths it was a blessing and a gift. Death was definitely not a punishment for him. He had prepared well. The coffin was beautifully made and we decided on a simple theme for the whole funeral in keeping with what Barry would have wanted. No embalming and in fact, no funeral home involvement at all. We dressed him in his whites and laid him in his coffin and brought him home. We put down some trestles that he had used 1000 times for his different projects and he became the most important project of them all as his coffin was laid across them. The sun room was his resting place and at night we laid out about 50 candles to illuminate the space. Very pretty and spiritual. Friends came and sat with us, some talked, some laughed and some even sang. All mourned in their own way. Each morning we would all go out and say 'Good morning' to him and even the grandchildren spent their time with their Oupa. He died quietly at 6 am on 13 June 2019 in Te Kuiti hospital. His funeral was held on 15 June at the Chapel in town. His brother, Malcolm spoke about their childhood, then a workmate, Mel, spoke of his work life. A friend, Susann Fish spoke and then Angela, our daughter told about her Dad being a superhero. The grandchildren and our eldest daughter sang beautifully and then the closing remarks were made by a good mate, Eddie Barber. All this was ably conducted by another friend, Mike Rawlings from Empangeni days. A celebration of life more than a dirge of death and defeat.

Off to the cemetery and as Malcolm and his family drove into the driveway, his music compilation started blasting out ... no, not 'Stairway to Hell' but rather 'Another one bites the dust'. I think Barry was fiddling with the controls because he would have got a real kick out of that. At the grave site we noticed that Barry was laid next to Colin Meads, a legendary All Black Rugby player. Not that Barry played rugby, so I don't think they will have much in common to discuss over the eternities. But legends both in their own way. Chad, our son blessed the grave and our grandsons laid the Superman/Batman cape over the coffin to accompany Barry through the spirit world. A few good friends sang a beautiful Maori waiata (song) and then it was time to have yummy bites to eat back at the Chapel. A lovely day to farewell a kind and gentle man. Tears were shed and then our youngest granddaughter announced that she needed to pee ... and a suitable toilet site behind a big tree was sourced and utilised as children have done from time immemorial.

I am sure that beliefs vary from Church to Church and from religion to religion but what we believe is that he would have been welcomed by his family on the other side of the veil. He will get to work amongst these family members telling them about his beliefs and helping them in whichever way he may. He loved going jogging with my Dad and I am sure they will be planning their Heavenly route and chatting as they run. My Gran cheated at cards. Well, I think she did because now that I play cards online, the site tells me that what I want to do, and was taught by my Grandmother, are not legal moves. Gran played Solitaire and Patience when she needed some downtime. As kids we all sat next to her and learned the ways of the single player game. So are her and Barry sitting over a spiritual table playing card games or are they so involved in other discussions that cards are not on the table? ... excuse the pun. But what Barry really loved to do was give hugs. Whenever life got a bit stressful, Barry would say 'It's hugging time.' and hug it out. So when he saw our daughter, Colette, I imagine them laughing and crying and hugging each other to make up for all the time that they missed in this life.

Life will go on and after all the forms have been filled, the clothes re-distributed and the nitty gritty sorted, then I might have time to feel sorry for myself. But for now I am learning to cook for one and to be able to spread across the Queen sized bed without fear of smacking Barry in the face and waking him up at night. I am remembering to feed the cats because I cannot rely on him to do it for me and to get to watch the programmes on TV that he hated but I secretly wanted to discover. No doubt I will find things that will start the tears falling. My Gran, of the card cheating ilk, said that my bladder was too close to my eyes because I used to cry for the least little thing. And now I am finding that I need a valve or tap on my tear ducts to limit the flow. Friends pop around to offer their ears for me to talk into and others with flowers or food to impart. Helen and Peggy came with a handful of Narcissus flowers that are so perfumed that I can smell them wherever I am in the house .. which is a good thing because our prodigal cat has peed somewhere and I cannot find where it is. And it will take too much energy and effort to track it down at the moment. Into each life a little rain must fall ... and the rain that is falling at the moment is in the shape of a cheeky cat. I am really grateful for family. For their unfailing love and support. For their memories and their time, their concern for me and especially for paying for all the food at the funeral. They chose Subway mini sandwiches and cookies, which was Barry's secret pleasure when it came to takeaways. Sadly I am allergic to cucumber, so I didn't get to 'toast' Barry with a sandwich as all the sandwiches had cucumber on them. Some kind friends brought my favourite flavoured sandwiches .... cream cheese and onion .... yummy ... and cream cheese, grated carrot and curry powder ... more yummy. But by the time I had turned around they were history. I always made sure that Barry had a plate of eats at occasions like this (because he was usually cleaning or working in the kitchen while the food was polished off) Maybe I should have set aside a plate for me this time. I will have to change my ways. Be a bit selfish? Maybe?

Farewell to my hero. Flawed in some ways of course, but perfect in others.