Foreign coins for a Viking Funeral

Well here I am lying like some dead Viking with smoke emanating from my stomach area. Why, I hear you ask? To say I am sick and tired of trying to get my operation site to heal in the conventional way is very much understated. I am way beyond sick and tired, I am actually gatvol, which is a good old Afrikaans saying meaning that I am full to the brim. Right up to the part where I am totally over this whole 'lie about and get better' schtick. So off I went to Su Xu, my Chinese friend, and bought some Moxa sticks from her. Moxa is an old herbal Chinese remedy for problems with childbirth or internal pain. The problem with Moxa is that it smells suspiciously like whacky weed (marijuana, dak, grass, pot etc). Our next door neighbour is a policeman, so as I am lying on my bed half naked, with smoking Moxa candles littered all over my stomach, I am in fear of a police raid finding me 'smoking' in my bedroom. My imagination has policemen swarming over my not very tidy bedroom looking for the offending herb. And not finding anything except a fat white woman with piles of herbs littering her stomach. Very entertaining. The perfumed smoke wafts out of our bedroom window and directly towards Craig (the policeman) as he mows his lawn. I can imagine him wondering who could be that brazen as to smoke around him. So I hold my breath and think happy thoughts. I dare not move in case some of the ash from the Moxa falls on me and burns my delicate skin, or Heaven forbid, the bed clothes. I have placed a glass of water on the bedside table just in case of emergency. But realistically if I caught alight I might just end up like Eric the Red and be burned to a crisp. The glass of water would hardly be enough to extinguish a match let alone a full blown pyre. Is the Moxa working? Yes. My internal aches and pains have slowly eased and I can now get up off the chair or bed without feeling like I have red hot pokers inside my stomach. Su is a marvel and if she lived closer I might just have to visit her every day, but she lives far away and we only get to consult once in a blue moon. But thanks Su, you have saved my sanity. What I haven't told you is that the Moxa sticks actually do have sticky bottoms so are not likely to fall off and burn me or the bed. I am not really trying to preempt my death with a DIY funeral pyre and live (me) sacrifice. I am crazy but not that crazy. The Moxa has even helped the wound .... oh okay, too much information. But yes, it has been worth all the worry about police raids and upsetting my neighbour. And my husband running for the hills as soon as I light up because he says it makes him feel ill. At least it doesn't give him the munchies.

I have been miffed with my said husband. As we all know this is his final hurrah. Last birthdays, last Christmas, last Summer etc etc etc. So when my birthday came around and he didn't go out of his way to find me an 'unforgettable final gift' scenario, or at least a thoughtful note about how much he loves me. Nope. My birthday came around and what did I get? A quick trip to a cheap shop to buy the first thing that fell off the rack ... and it was on the day, not even thought about in advance. I can't blame him for his thoughtlessness. He came from a family where his Dad never bought their Mother a present and she would go and buy her own. Wrap it up in a pretty paper and then present it to her husband to give to her on the day. Well, yes, I have resorted to that a few times. Not ideal. Telling my husband what I would like also does not work. He doesn't believe me and goes and buys something totally inappropriate. I once took him to the shops and pointed out a few items I would love to have as a gift ... and then I pointed out a series of gifts I never want to find in my stocking. You guessed it, I got the 'never want' stuff. Okay, so I have learned to cope with this deficit in my otherwise perfect husband. But this past year has been tough. I have encouraged him to get creative with the final gifts for our children but my own gifts have been lacking in imagination ... a Toblerone chocolate for Christmas .... yup that was it. Yes, I did eat it and enjoy it, but really. Is that it? Will my final finals be filled with ho-hum moments? No use crying over things I cannot change. I was reading my horoscope in a magazine and it said 'This week you will be overwhelmed with foreign money.' Wow. Firstly I don't actually believe in horoscopes but when I am feeling a bit blue, they do lift my heart just that little bit with their silliness. The predictions also mention a new love. Mmmm? A promotion at work.....more mmmm? And some travel. But it did get me thinking. What if I took the foreign coins my husband has in a bottle and hung them from a necklace just for me? A final gift .. well sort of. They are his coins after all. Then I got to thinking about my necklaces and earrings that get scrambled and lost in the boxes I have for jewellery. I showed Barry a YouTube video of a wooden coat-hanger that was changed into a necklace holder ... and aha ... he is making me one. Is this my final special gift at last. A coin necklace, a hanger for the plethora of other necklaces I own and maybe even a holder for my earrings. I will use them for ever and ever and ever and each time I do I will remember Barry and his handyman skills. Yay. Problem sorted. And just to put the cat amongst the pigeons ..... that dumb horoscope threw me a curve ball. I got paid out by Amazon (foreign money) for some books I sold last year. Not exactly a fortune but perhaps enough to go out for a special meal with my man. And travel? Well we are taking our grandson on a road-trip before he starts back at school. Is that what the magazine predicted? My brother-in-law once worked for a printing firm that printed magazines. One day someone dropped all the horoscopes on the floor and muddled them up. M phoned the horoscope lady and asked if she would like to come and sort them into their correct signs. She said 'It doesn't matter which prediction you put with which sign. They are all inter-changeable.'

Now to return to 'Eric the Red' and his funeral pyre. Have you seen the movie by Billy Connolly called 'What we did on our holiday' filmed in 2014. It's about an old man who tells his grandchildren that when he dies he wants a Viking funeral. Then he promptly dies. The kiddies run for help from their parents, but the parents are fighting over domestic issues. The kids then decide to give Grandpa the funeral he desires. They build a raft from flotsam and jetsam that they find on the beach .. put Grandpa on the raft and set him off to sea while happily burning brightly. Loved the movie. It's worth a watch.

Well folks 2019 beckons. We have hangers to recycle into jewellery thingies, kitchens to upgrade, holidays to go on ... short holidays .... and I have foreign money to make into a necklace of memories.